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Dream, though your beginnings might be humble, may the end be prosperous.

short intro
Amalina, otherwise known as Lulu.
A female with Peterpan complex.
Still failing at life but YOLO.
() books, fanfictions, shoujo manga, drama, band music, acoustic songs, FTISLAND, BTS, ideas of soulmate and parallel universe & cats.
yosh,よろしく ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ

the past

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it hurts because it's youth.
Friday, February 10, 2017 | 0 comments
I might have been too focused on myself sometimes I forget everyone around me might also be struggling on their own. I don't know if they ever read this but no matter where you guys are and what you do, I hope God will protect you guys. Be strong and remember I love you even though I might not show it. 

So, what did I even do suddenly I am 25 this year. my youth that rapidly fleeting away and it scares me (I need to go to Neverland so where are you Peter Pan). The concept of time, occasionally baffled me. when you try so hard to live day by day and at some point you realized you are old. time flies so fast I don't even remember what significant things that happened this past few years and it's freaking me out. Well yknow, youth supposed to be the things we were gonna remembered for the rest of our life but to think that I did not do much, really scares me. 

Is this the effect those bangtan sonyeondan guys rubbed on me? they always talk about that hwayang yeonhwa concept, of the most beautiful moments in life and you pondered whether you had ever reach that hwayang yeonhwa of your own? I wrecked my brain and I found some pieces that might be fews of my hwayang yeonhwa. but is it enough? I pondered some more.

when I was a child, I thought I am special and I could change the world and my existence is important and I was born to do something impactful but as I grew older and those confidence seems to be buried and I realized what an ordinary and uninteresting person I am. Following the flows, we had lost our uniqueness and individuality because we need to be something that society approved. At times you tried to rebel because you wanted to stay true to who you are, you know now matter how you hard you try to be those ideal person the society wanted you to be, it is not you- it's just a mask you put so you could survived.

In my case I always battled with my introverted self because how much the society treasures extrovert. I tried many things, in hope that I can magically change into an extrovert but of course it's never easy. Because introvert is my nature and I cannot change it. I came to accept myself but I'm still trying my best. I hope one day the society realizes that being an introvert is not a weakness and these people had their own strengths too. Introverts are needed just as much as extroverts. 

Well just because I am not good in talking doesn't mean I am a failure (yeah I am so bitter over this matter-people look down on me just for this. You know the typical complains of higher cgpa students cannot performed bla bla bla...) 
I just want to say one thing: 너나 잘해.

there's so many things I want to express and I should take this chances to write everything. after all I don't really update here frequently and I want to archive my thoughts at this moment.

cue bgm:

Maybe I can never fly, like those flower petals there.
Wings, like other things are impossible.
Maybe I can't touch the sky, but even so I want to stretch out my hand,
I want to try to run, just a little more ♪ ♫

This is the first post of 2017. 
One semester left before I graduated in Bachelor of Pharmacy and what will happen after graduation with all those PRP placement, interview, housemanship and bla..bla...I will put the worries aside first. I will worry about it when the time comes. I really wanted to focus on my last semester. the last semester as bachelor student. wow. 

I tried looking if there are chances for me to pursue master degree and it's not that I really put my mind to pursue but I just want to look out for other path that I might taken. Sir Fauzi asked if students are interested to pursue master in clinical pharmacy and later will serve as lecturers. well I rejected that offer. First of all, I never imagined myself as a lecturer. Second, I do not want to pursue master in pharmacy. NEVER. 

I thought maybe it's about time I pursue my true dream if I wanted to do master. I don't know if I ever talked to someone about my dream. I wanted to study psychology. I repeat, I really really really wanted to study Psychology. heck I even willing to study for diploma (it took me 3 years) because I thought I wanted to pursue degree in psychology when I could do foundation or matrik (for one year). but fate played me- upu rejected my application to study psychology and I had to wait for another year if I want to stick with my original plan. I decided I cannot wait anymore ( I should have waited, damn you lulu) and therefore here I am studying pharmacy.

yeah that's another path that I might taken in the future - master degree in psychology. 
but of course my first choice would always be working. yeah work work work, I need money. As the eldest I have the responsibility of being a bread winner for my family. my father is a retiree now.

okay, that's the serious part of my thoughts these days. now move on to the not-so-important parts.

I am on my semester break right now. It is the last semester break and I thought I wanted to go for graduation trip but I don't have that luxury. but I should put it in my wishing list for this 2017- to go for a trip that involves flight. I am 25 and I never been on flight. yeah cry for me. though I am more to couch potato kind of people, I decided I need to go somewhere, anywhere this year on flight.

quite envious with people who went somewhere on this break. but at least I have those bangtan sonyeondan guys to accompany me. they are my motivation to stay awake this holiday. I am seriously falling in love haaaaaah~ although they kept reminding me of how old I am (no it's not them, it was me who had the sudden realization at times). all these young boys, how can someone not loving them. min yoongi min suga yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah noona love youuuuuu hearteu hearteu ♥♥
and their songs are very good I cry all days. I really like how most of their songs inspired me to work hard while living, yknow with the youth concepts and all and their love songs are cute. I don't need boyfriend let me pour all my loves to these boys hahah (forced laugh).

and after all those chaos of completing final year project, community and industry attachments last year, finally I could relax quite a bit and continue reading Murakami's 1Q84. I started this book (it is a trilogy in one book) on 2015 and I could only resumed it at the end of 2016. Imagined how busy I was last year and yet I couldn't really remembered anything. so this year I started a project where I wrote down all the good significant things happened to me so by the end of this year I will be reminded of the things I did throughout the year. 

I think 2017 is going to be a good year for me (hopefully). 
quite a few good things happened- I lost a few kgs yayyyyyy though not much but I could fit all my old clothes and it is such a wonderful feelings yknow (cry a river).

We got new kittens so our home is quite joyful right now (and in chaotic mode because they all are naughty kittens hahahah they even chewed my earphone but still so lovable and precious).

I passed the Qualifying Exam for Practicing Pharmacy and I had an interview with Lembaga Farmasi with a few other students of my batch in the beginning of the year and I was complimented for having a mature thinking (although I beg to differ. me, mature? pfttttt). 
and heyyy, it's FT Island's 10th anniversary soon - time flies so fast, I was 15 when I first knew them.

and....I think I need to stop. I was distracted by BTS's Spring Day MV teaser. min sugaaaaaaaaa urghhh looks so cute while brushing teeth. Tell you what, min suga is my animal spirit except I don't have his continuous sassiness and good look. but yeahhh I love this kid. 

because I need a constant reminder to maintain my motivation momentum. spot min suga in there.

let's all hope for a good year this year. byeeeee.