ceased to exist
Tuesday, October 01, 2019 | 1 comments
This blog contained a lot of memories since I was in school, diploma days and my degree days. As much as I love this blog, I think I wanted to start anew.
Bye.
See you here.
the highlights of 2019 (tho 2019 is still midway)
Sunday, May 12, 2019 | 0 comments
I've got some good news to announce and I want to update the long overdue post because whatever.
"I do believe in your galaxy."
Anyway, it is finally the time of the year where I finally completed a year of provisional training. Currently I am waiting for my registration as fully registered pharmacist (FRP) to be approved by the board. Just matter of few more days, I guess. It was never easy to complete the training. The fight to overcome yourself was such a tiring phase. Sometimes you feel like you are never enough. I quit thousand times in my mind already, but I could never do that in real life so I picked myself every time and move along with life. I was quite lucky because I trained in a quite bearable environment because I heard some of my friends never got that luxury. They exhausted themselves till the point their mental health is deteriorated.
But guys, the good news is we made it. We survived through all these hardships, all these judgmental people, all those bullying thingy just because we are contract workers. Those people are really thinking backwards yknow. Bullying is so last year. We are all about empowering others now.
tldr; we made it.
To the second thing. I traveled to Singapore for BTS concert last January. It was my first time travelling overseas for concert, so I was quite overwhelmed with the fact that I could finally do that (financially). I've grown up. Hah. I enjoyed Singapore, went there with a group of high school friends. I liked the fact that we really utilized the public transport to travel. I also enjoyed using my feet (read:walking a lot) in another country.
OK. Now it's about the concert. OMGGGGG BTS are awesome!! I enjoyed every second in the stadium. It is a right decision to attend this concert. I LOVE BTS
Labels: #bts, #concert, #singapore
until the days of spring
Monday, February 11, 2019 | 0 comments
I am already missing my future self pretty badly. The one whom already did all her viva, her research presentation and slides, and already sent all her logbook on time. The one with the license to practice pharmacy. I miss you so much, when can I meet you, my precious future self?
I dedicated this song for you, my future self, because our spring day is coming soon.
bye 2018
Saturday, December 22, 2018 | 0 comments
I had this one friend. We were not particularly close. But sometimes we talked. We were classmates. I worked with him in few projects. He was an interesting person. He had a beautiful brain and good manners, always very helpful. He was like-able. I was always stunned by his brilliantness, whenever he voiced out his opinions.
Sometime this year, we all lost him in tragic accident. It was so sudden. I remembered I was getting the news on Friday lunch. It was so out of the blue I was dumbfounded. We were not the best of friend you know, I mean what we had it was a very curtsy relationship.
But his death left a big impact to me. Until today, it still is. Whenever I feel like taking my life for granted, my mind will consciously have this thought : He would never had this chance again even if he wanted to. Like he left behind his biggest dreams (though I never knew what it was), his loved ones, his future plans.
But I was here wasting my chances. I, at the very least have chances to be better. But I without a shame, trying to forsaken them. How humiliating.
This year was very harsh on me. It was so soul-consuming I feel like giving up at the first place. I cried every night, thinking this is not the life I wanted. I wanted to be happy but I was not. I am so tired physically and mentally I don't know if I could ever recover from it. But I did my best. I know I did my best to be happy. I tried very hard not to be consumed by the darkness again.
I will make an effort to give my best in everything, to not let the chances slipped out of me.
I will make an effort to give my best in everything, to not let the chances slipped out of me.
2019. I will anticipating the good news from you. See ya.
The rising of underdogs
Tuesday, December 11, 2018 | 1 comments
It's the end of the year again. 2018 passed by very quickly while I was trying to survive day by day. It was a hard year for me. But this is what's youth is all about. To be hurt.
No matter how hard we'd tried, no matter how much hurt we'd received, we are still label as the lazy generation, the spoon-fed generation, the all-we-do-is-complaining generation, a generation that had it easier. To be labelled these ways by the older generations is so unfair. We really tried our best in everything we do despite our anxiety about the future.
We've been stereotyped since the very beginning. They all talked about our incompetent, on our lacking of knowledge but don't you all remember we are still in our baby steps. We still trying to figure out how things worked. We really tried to grasp everything within our reach so we could be better in the future. When we asked to be put in our shoes, to see the situation a little bit clearer, they refused with thousands of excuses. They were the privileged ones.
Sometimes I just want to give up, like fuck all these things, I quit. But I don't want to lose. Like I don't want to let them taste the victory of seeing me succumbed to their tortures. I going to win this.
2019 would be the year where we rise up and win.
Cheers to all the underdogs in the world.
Dream, hope, keep going.
Monday, August 27, 2018 | 0 comments
Hey, it's been 4 months now. I still alive for now.
I already expected that this wont be easy but I guess I overestimated myself again. I am having a hard time. I feel anxious for the present and future. The future seems so bleak. I can't see the end of the tunnel yet.
Whenever people asked me, '....and you are?' I was hesitant to introduce myself as pharmacist because I feel like I am not eligible for that title yet. It was a burden for me to carry that title for now.
I still feel like I am not good enough but of course there's nothing I can do except to hang onto the hope that I will do better in the future.
Be patient, I am a work in progress.
Not perfect but beautiful.
Not perfect but beautiful.
K WAVE #3
Saturday, August 18, 2018 | 0 comments
FT ISLAND. They still rocks my world.
youth
Saturday, June 16, 2018 | 0 comments
I should stop complaining.
Whenever I feel like complaining, I should remember the words of wisdom from my faculty dean and I rephrased;
"The more you do, the more experience you have, the more confidence you get. Always greet, smile and help people."
Cheers to the future drug expert (which is me).
Pondering,
Friday, April 27, 2018 | 0 comments
This is the life I am going to lead from now on. It's not the same when you studied for tests or final exam. Like you can 'goreng' anything on papers if you didn't know. But now, I am going to deal with people's lives. I can't just shoot anything if I don't know because it's going to risk others. I had to bear such a big responsibility, maybe not as big as doctors but I played a major role too.
Rather than worrying regarding my marks on logbook, I worrying about the patients, the people I am going to encounter. Will I do a good job? Will the messages reach them so they can have better health?
I'm scared of making mistakes. I am living on the thin ice. I don't know if this going to affect me on long term run. Is my mental health is going to deteriorate? Who knows what's going to happen in the future. I am holding on just for the better days.
I don’t want to cry.
I don’t want to rest.
No, how about resting just a little?
No no no... I don’t want to lose.
It was originally a desert.
-Sea, BTS
////
It was actually the little things that I missed a lot. I missed the time that I could read (other than textbooks) freely. I missed the time I could sleep a little bit more.
I tried to find some time to at least read for awhile because reading, for me, is like an escapade. The way to turn your back from the dull reality. The way to feel differently, to empathize, to be understanding of life, because my life offers nothing to me. I always screamed jokingly to my mother, "What am I going to write on my biography if my life is this boring?"
Lol.
Anyway, I usually went to work early to grab a parking spot. So what I did is I brought book and read for a while in the car while waiting for the time to punch in everyday. It's the least I could do to read for now. It's the way to feel alive for now.
It was actually the little things that I missed a lot. I missed the time that I could read (other than textbooks) freely. I missed the time I could sleep a little bit more.
I tried to find some time to at least read for awhile because reading, for me, is like an escapade. The way to turn your back from the dull reality. The way to feel differently, to empathize, to be understanding of life, because my life offers nothing to me. I always screamed jokingly to my mother, "What am I going to write on my biography if my life is this boring?"
Lol.
Anyway, I usually went to work early to grab a parking spot. So what I did is I brought book and read for a while in the car while waiting for the time to punch in everyday. It's the least I could do to read for now. It's the way to feel alive for now.
When was the last time you did something for the first time? Do you remember the fluttering feeling?
Monday, April 02, 2018 | 0 comments
I'm not sure if I can go to the ceremony or not but hell yeah I am excited. This is officially marked the end of my life as a bachelor degree student. Of course, I wont stop being a student. There are always things to learn everyday and I do wish to further my study in the future.
But for now, cheers to the new phase of my life as a working woman. I am nervous yet excited for this.
Coming here for the piece of advice I spared for the future me;
Hey, no matter how hard it is, this too shall pass. You survived all the odds so far, you can survive another one.
You can. I believe in you.
So I did penangguhan lantikan on epharmacist.
Wednesday, March 14, 2018 | 2 comments
Currently listening to: Marie Digby- Unfold.
Am I getting old now?
So...I skipped all the adulting and went straight in becoming old? I can't really handle big shock anymore. My immune system dramatically went down the drain (exaggerating) and I become more prone to sickness nowadays. Sigh.
Anyway this post is meant to other pharmacy graduates in Malaysia who want to serve in government sector but for personal reason(s) might had to postpone their appointment.
The backstory is the first time I logged into the system (in January, if I'm not mistaken), I did not managed to get the place that I wanted.
And it doesn't helped when you check your status on SPA8i website and saw the latest date shows that I was "tidak melepasi tapisan semasa yang ditetapkan....."-I was like, "......what?" and proceed to having major mental breakdown. I emailed both KKM and SPA but no immediate reply.
It would be a good decision to regularly check your application from time to time so if you have any inquiry you have the ample time to ask around. (don't be like me, everything is last minute checked)
But fret not if you have the similar status as I am. It's going to be okay.
So in the morning, I called KKM and asked them about my status because friends had receiving emails regarding the appointment but people who did postponement had nothing assured because we received no email. I am disappointed with the response I received because they, once again, were ambiguous. I am rephrasing what they told me, "We were still reviewing your postponement so you can try log in tomorrow. If you cannot log in, that means you are for the next intake lah."
Excuse me, I thought before I did my postponement, I asked you clearly if it will affect my next intake? And you clearly said NO. So, what is this? I might not be called for this intake? Hey give me some black and white lah. Tell me the truth (I screamed in my mind).
I was severely saddened by the bits of information I received. I was preparing myself for the worse. So I might had to wait for few months more. I was planning my back up plan when suddenly at 12.25pm I received an email from KKM.
It would be a good decision to regularly check your application from time to time so if you have any inquiry you have the ample time to ask around. (don't be like me, everything is last minute checked)
But fret not if you have the similar status as I am. It's going to be okay.
So in the morning, I called KKM and asked them about my status because friends had receiving emails regarding the appointment but people who did postponement had nothing assured because we received no email. I am disappointed with the response I received because they, once again, were ambiguous. I am rephrasing what they told me, "We were still reviewing your postponement so you can try log in tomorrow. If you cannot log in, that means you are for the next intake lah."
Excuse me, I thought before I did my postponement, I asked you clearly if it will affect my next intake? And you clearly said NO. So, what is this? I might not be called for this intake? Hey give me some black and white lah. Tell me the truth (I screamed in my mind).
I was severely saddened by the bits of information I received. I was preparing myself for the worse. So I might had to wait for few months more. I was planning my back up plan when suddenly at 12.25pm I received an email from KKM.
I was like, THANKS GOD!
Anyway for the SPA8i status, I am not sure why it became like that. They gave a very not clear answer to that (what's with the government sector and their ambiguous answers? tell me). Might be because we already succeed in the application but we are on hold. Who knows.
So I heard the postponement is valid for one time only. So if you postponed before you can't postpone for the second time.
Anyway it was a roller coaster of emotions for these few days. But it was all good in the end.
Well, not yet. I still have tomorrow to be worry about. I need to fight for my choice of place to start my prp. Pray so that I could get what I want.
Wish me luck.
////update on 15/3/2018
So epharmacist once again played with my heart (cue: bsb- quit playing games with my heart).
The system was supposedly to be opened at 12pm. I went to internet cafe near my house because the connection is most likely to be stable compared to my home. I was there at approximately 10.40pm, so I waited while being fidgety and anxious till 12pm.
Once it hits 12pm, I tried to log in but god dammit, to no avail. It was a technical problem, they said.
So I was on the way home but then I received an email saying the system would be re-opened at 3pm. So I went to grab some simple lunch then waited till 2pm to go back to the internet cafe. I was too nervous I tried to calm myself down. I even listened to the white noise for relaxation. Lol. The fight-or-flight reaction was activated. I felt nauseous and my stomach was full of gastric juice. This was the worst sympathetic reaction I ever had, I guess.
Before it hits 3pm (I think around 2.58pm), I successfully logged into the system, hell yeah. I frantically choose my placement and thank god! I succeed. I got the place that I wanted.
It was actually worth the wait. I took the chance to do the postponement even though I am not sure if I could ever get what I want. I am glad I did not settled down the first time.
My journey to be a pharmacist is going to start from here. Wish me luck again for the future.
Cheers to the future.
And for now I think I need sleep. My body worked too hard these past few days.
////additional update:
Thank you Sue for the celebratory cake. I have such a supportive friend (cries a river).
////update on 15/3/2018
So epharmacist once again played with my heart (cue: bsb- quit playing games with my heart).
The system was supposedly to be opened at 12pm. I went to internet cafe near my house because the connection is most likely to be stable compared to my home. I was there at approximately 10.40pm, so I waited while being fidgety and anxious till 12pm.
Once it hits 12pm, I tried to log in but god dammit, to no avail. It was a technical problem, they said.
So I was on the way home but then I received an email saying the system would be re-opened at 3pm. So I went to grab some simple lunch then waited till 2pm to go back to the internet cafe. I was too nervous I tried to calm myself down. I even listened to the white noise for relaxation. Lol. The fight-or-flight reaction was activated. I felt nauseous and my stomach was full of gastric juice. This was the worst sympathetic reaction I ever had, I guess.
Before it hits 3pm (I think around 2.58pm), I successfully logged into the system, hell yeah. I frantically choose my placement and thank god! I succeed. I got the place that I wanted.
It was actually worth the wait. I took the chance to do the postponement even though I am not sure if I could ever get what I want. I am glad I did not settled down the first time.
My journey to be a pharmacist is going to start from here. Wish me luck again for the future.
Cheers to the future.
And for now I think I need sleep. My body worked too hard these past few days.
////additional update:
Thank you Sue for the celebratory cake. I have such a supportive friend (cries a river).
Labels: epharmacist, farmasi, kkm, lantikan, malaysian pharmacist, pegawai farmasi uf41, penangguhan, penangguhan lantikan kontrak, pharmacy, postponement, ptm, spa, tangguhan
the precious one
Friday, March 09, 2018 | 0 comments
Happy birthday, love.
