Dream, though your beginnings might be humble, may the end be prosperous.
short intro
Amalina, otherwise known asLulu. A female with Peterpan complex.
Still failing at life but YOLO.
(爱) books, fanfictions, shoujo manga, drama, band music, acoustic songs, FTISLAND, BTS, ideas of soulmate and parallel universe & cats.
yosh,よろしく ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ
the past
Arigatou
Template was made by Miichiko.
Thanks to Pixel-diary for the cute pixels and icons. Lyric Quotes: Agust D, So Far Away.
The last two days I slept while reading my pharmacology books. I woke up at the dawn with the book still opened on my chest. Sighing, I surrendered to my fate.
This is the life I am going to lead from now on. It's not the same when you studied for tests or final exam. Like you can 'goreng' anything on papers if you didn't know. But now, I am going to deal with people's lives. I can't just shoot anything if I don't know because it's going to risk others. I had to bear such a big responsibility, maybe not as big as doctors but I played a major role too.
Rather than worrying regarding my marks on logbook, I worrying about the patients, the people I am going to encounter. Will I do a good job? Will the messages reach them so they can have better health?
I'm scared of making mistakes. I am living on the thin ice. I don't know if this going to affect me on long term run. Is my mental health is going to deteriorate? Who knows what's going to happen in the future. I am holding on just for the better days.
////
It was actually the little things that I missed a lot. I missed the time that I could read (other than textbooks) freely. I missed the time I could sleep a little bit more.
I tried to find some time to at least read for awhile because reading, for me, is like an escapade. The way to turn your back from the dull reality. The way to feel differently, to empathize, to be understanding of life, because my life offers nothing to me. I always screamed jokingly to my mother, "What am I going to write on my biography if my life is this boring?"
Lol.
Anyway, I usually went to work early to grab a parking spot. So what I did is I brought book and read for a while in the car while waiting for the time to punch in everyday. It's the least I could do to read for now. It's the way to feel alive for now.
The last two days I slept while reading my pharmacology books. I woke up at the dawn with the book still opened on my chest. Sighing, I surrendered to my fate.
This is the life I am going to lead from now on. It's not the same when you studied for tests or final exam. Like you can 'goreng' anything on papers if you didn't know. But now, I am going to deal with people's lives. I can't just shoot anything if I don't know because it's going to risk others. I had to bear such a big responsibility, maybe not as big as doctors but I played a major role too.
Rather than worrying regarding my marks on logbook, I worrying about the patients, the people I am going to encounter. Will I do a good job? Will the messages reach them so they can have better health?
I'm scared of making mistakes. I am living on the thin ice. I don't know if this going to affect me on long term run. Is my mental health is going to deteriorate? Who knows what's going to happen in the future. I am holding on just for the better days.
////
It was actually the little things that I missed a lot. I missed the time that I could read (other than textbooks) freely. I missed the time I could sleep a little bit more.
I tried to find some time to at least read for awhile because reading, for me, is like an escapade. The way to turn your back from the dull reality. The way to feel differently, to empathize, to be understanding of life, because my life offers nothing to me. I always screamed jokingly to my mother, "What am I going to write on my biography if my life is this boring?"
Lol.
Anyway, I usually went to work early to grab a parking spot. So what I did is I brought book and read for a while in the car while waiting for the time to punch in everyday. It's the least I could do to read for now. It's the way to feel alive for now.
• Born in 1992. Live in KL, Malaysia for all my life yet.
• The name Amalina came from Arabic word which means hope. The actual epitome of "I am your hope, I am your angel." (lol hobi)
• My nickname Lulu came from a cartoon that I used to like called The Little Lulu Show. And it was partly because there're so many people with the same name in my class back then, so we all came with some sort of nicknames. and I stuck with the name Lulu till very now.
• My internet pseudonym is lulumichin.
• I was a twin but my twin brother died before we were born. I am the eldest but not the first child. I had an older brother but he died early.
• I am neither a good or bad person. I might be a good to some and bad to another. But whatever.
•When I don't smile, I have resting bitch face. I tried my best to be smiley every time.
• I have one sided cheek dimple and also chin dimple (or butt chin).
• Tbh, I am usually kind and I try to think good about people. It is just I am shy towards stranger. But don't make me hate you, I'll hate you forever.
• Myers-Briggs type: INFP
• I don't talk much. A person close to me once said this; "We are okay because we knew you, but what do you do with people who don't?" I used to think a lot but these days I don't care anymore. Those who matter didn't mind, those who mind didn't matter (Dr Seuss).
• A clumsy realist. A walking irony. An introvert.
• I love FT ISLAND and my favourite is the bassist, Jaejin. These days I am a laid back fan (and old). I like their songs, they are awesome. They accompany me in most of my life. They are like an old friend, so comfortable, feel like home.
• BTS stan. What's funny was I used to not like them because of their debut song, No More Dream. Lol because I felt like they were mocking me. In 2013, I was a first year pharmacy student and I was quite lost and sad and mildly depressed because I contemplated a lot about my dream, passion and ambition then. But now, their songs give me strength. Thank you BTS if you ever read this lol.
• Love rock band music and slow acoustic songs. But I do listen to any sort of genres. Well it depends on my mood.
• I love scary movies. Not that I am brave but I guess I like the adrenaline rush and it is a good excuse to scream loudly. The only reason why I go to cinema actually.
• Love to write letter and receiving it. Because I think it's very private and personal. A snail mail is a YESSSS! (this would be one of ways to court me and don't confess through facebook pls if you don't want me to read it five years after hah legit true story. Sorry dude. )Oh, and time-capsule letters too so I could always laugh at my younger self.
• I love late night drive around city, watching lights. It was one form of healing for me. (and a perfect date as long as it is shariah compliance).
• A reader. Books, fanfictions, manga, poems, classics. I love it all. Most recently read: The Book of Lossby Julith Jedamus.
"How luxuriantly one's fears grow in the dark! Exposed to the sun they wither and recede, but at night they are rampant."
• Soulmates and parallel world theory intrigued me. It is a bittersweet concept. Isn't it?
• A drama watcher. (mydramalist)
• A fan of Kimi ni Todoke. It was such a cute story awww my heart.
• My guilty pleasure includes skincare and cosmetics. I kinda like buying these things because Idk, I just like them. (lowkey want to be a formulator hihihi)
• A coffee drinker. Used to drink for survival but I guess it became habit now. My favourite is Caramel Macchiato. I don't drink my coffee black.
• A cat person. I love my cats but why we are always in the love-hate relationship idk pls help.
• No matter how hard I try, crossing road is very scary for me. I thought when I got my driving license it's going to be better, but naaaaaaah I forever need someone to cross the road with me. Help me by taking my hand and escort me pls.
• I may look calm all the time but I killed you many times in my mind. lol
• I like green colour the most. If you paid attention, my clothes are usually in green.
•I like to learn language. I speak Malay, English and imperfect and basic Mandarin and Korean.
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