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Dream, though your beginnings might be humble, may the end be prosperous.

short intro
Amalina, otherwise known as Lulu.
A female with Peterpan complex.
Still failing at life but YOLO.
() books, fanfictions, shoujo manga, drama, band music, acoustic songs, FTISLAND, BTS, ideas of soulmate and parallel universe & cats.
yosh,よろしく ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ

the past



Arigatou
Template was made by
Miichiko. Thanks to Pixel-diary for the cute pixels and icons. Lyric Quotes: Agust D, So Far Away. Free Domain: CO.NR

花樣年華
Monday, January 15, 2018 | 0 comments
In the future, I am going to look back and be grateful of this moment.

Well, I quit my job but I have no other plan yet. Anyway, because this is my first resignation in this life, I bought myself this to celebrate. wohoots!


hey bangtan, if you ever find my blog, can you please send the young forever album (that album was dope!) to me because starting today, I am unemployed bum so I have no money.

Buuuuuuut.....I might be finding new job soon or the least I can do is just waiting for the next prp placement with hope that I could get hospital(s) of my choice (prays hard).
So I was updating my resume and look, I borrow some quote from bangtan to be put inside. 
Spot it if you can.







Hoping for more good days.
Thursday, January 04, 2018 | 0 comments
I thought it's going to be a good start in 2018 but I guess life somehow finds its way to throw the lemon to me. Anyhow I was frustrated and everything. I even contemplated to just pick a random place to start my prp training. But I don't want to make a rash decision. This is going to take for about two years period of time and I don't want to regret and be depressed within that two years. I don't want to just choose for the sake of completing my prp.

I want to be able to do what I want to do and I want to learn what I want to learn. 

I have goals and I want to achieve those goals. 
So it may takes time and I might start later compared to my other friends, but I guess....it's okay? for now.
Time is just a concept after all. (am trying to reassure myself because if not I might start crying again damn)

"그래도 좋은 날이 더 많기를."


so far away
Tuesday, December 12, 2017 | 0 comments


That one time when our faculty dean told us, I quoted, "Studying is the easiest thing to do in life," I scoffed. I was like, of course, you are the professor, it is easier to be said than done.

Well, Prof. You are absolutely right.

The amount of stress you get from working is never the same from when you were studying. Because when you are studying, you only have yourself. But working is with other people, it's a team work and from the beginning, human is a complex creature. But oh, do I learn a lot from this experience. 

Anyway, this post was not meant to be complaints. 


Home is far away.
Saturday, October 28, 2017 | 0 comments
You know how it feels when a mere song describes your feelings? Like how these people really spoke the words in my heart? damn this is good.


(c) zachela

I have this thought recently. If only I was a little bit braver, I would accomplished so many things in my life.

so the next step to adulting is...
Monday, October 09, 2017 | 0 comments
(howdy there little sugar)

Hello.
This is written by an unemployed me. 

I am collecting my courage to send resume for part time jobs. It was a tough decision because staying at home seems like a good idea for now because once I started my career, there would be no time like this anymore. I did everything I couldn't do much while I was studying. I read books, I learnt new things (coughgreekgodsandgoddessescough), fangirling, sleep and wake up early, meeting friends bla bla. But the con is I need money so yeah you get the gist of the story.

Earlier last week my provisional registered pharmacist no. came thru the mail. As for now, I completed the application to work as pharmacist in government sector but there's no placement yet so I have to wait until god knows when.


Hopefully it would be fast enough so I could start my career as pharmacist and eventually reaching my next goal; which is to be a specialized pharmacist in psychiatric (this is a 10 years ahead plan because I need to further my master degree but yeah I putting my goals in writing here).


This is scary. I might sending my resume tomorrow. pray for me. (damn u adulting urghhh)


rediscovery
Friday, September 22, 2017 | 0 comments

I remembered telling myself that I would like to go for a trip that involves flight. and yes people, after 25 years of waiting (lol), I finally on board. It was a friendship trip cum a graduation trip for me. Went with my soul partner, Sue.

We planned for Bandung→Jogjakarta→Surabaya→Bawean Island→Surabaya for total of 10 days (8th Aug till 18th Aug). Transportation included 2 hours flight to Bandung from KL, 9 hours train trip to Jogjakarta, 8 hours train trip to Surabaya and 4 hours boat trip to and fro Bawean and 4 hours flight back to KL from Surabaya. 

I could say it was also a rediscovery trip. We learnt a lot of things especially about each other like our strengths and weaknesses but I could proudly say that I am glad she is my friend after all. Everybody is not perfect but we still accept each other the way we are and I am grateful for that. You don't know how nervous I was in the beginning of the trip, I was grateful she was there to reassure me and guided me throughout the journey. 

We knew each other since we were like 8 and we've been for each other since then. 
Thank you, friend. I hope this friendship is forever. I love you ❤










Graduation
Sunday, August 06, 2017 | 1 comments

Party people!
I am finally graduating after 4 years of battles and suffering. Time felt like rapidly flies but a lot of things happened in 4 years span. I am broken and wounded but I made it out alive. As far as I know, I went through storms and came out as a different person. The better version of me. Well, not that much, but at least I tried.

When I was in my first year, I made a goal to wear that pink sash (read: Vice Chancellor Award) again. I had the chance to wear it during my diploma convocation, so I vowed to relive that moment again. That was before I knew the hardships I had to go through. 

In the first year, during the time when your future seems so bleak and you still having very hard time to adapt to new surroundings, subjects and all pressure are thrown to you in every direction, I remembered I talked to one of my housemates, Hajar. It was after the pharmacy practice lab. We finished late in the evening. Usually we took a bus up to our dorm because we were so drained after lab and we didn’t have energy to go up the stairs. 

At the bus stop, while waiting for the bus, I reflected and questioned myself, if this is the right path for me? What if I am not meant to be here? I contemplated about that a lot. I told Hajar, I really want to be able to wear that pink sash again but I don’t know it seems impossible at that moment. Tbh, I don’t remember what Hajar told me but I guess it’s a ‘you can do it’ thingy or something motivational, typical of Hajar. But I am thankful for that moment because it was then when I set my goal.

4 years on, through thick and thin, I am proud to say that I stayed true to my goal. I will be graduating with Vice Chancellor Award. I might be able to wear that pink sash again during my convocation. Well only if I could make a time to attend (but pls I want to attend). Plus I am graduating with the highest CGPA among our batch (tho it was a little bit embarrasing since mine was not that high compared to prev batches). But I am thankful for that. Thank you to everyone who helped to make this happened.


I thank all my housemates too. For all the efforts and memories we spent together. I will only kept the good ones and forget all the bad ones. Thank you to my close friends whom I kept bombarded with insecured and anxious messages but still make time to reply with encouragements. Lecturers, thanks for everything and sorry I skipped or slept in your classes. My Final Year Project supervisor, thanks because of you I learnt new things, chemoinformatics? Woww. You are my girl crush, did you know that? You are very cool and I strived to be like you in the future. Wish me luck.

So, afterall, “The only way to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible.” (Alice in Wonderland)

Signing off my life as a bachelor student.
2013-2017. Cheers.

worry
Wednesday, June 07, 2017 | 0 comments
I have this kind of worry these days.
I wonder what it feels like when you were driven by passion instead of driven by fear?
Would you be a little bit happier and easier?

I thought I started this because of my passion but eventually I was afraid. Afraid of everything. 
Of failure, of not knowing, of lack of knowledge, of lack of skills.
I was scared from the beginning and I am still scared when it's almost over.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be doing this. Because I am not good. 
Maybe I better off doing something else, I thought.
But what else I can do? I've been doing this for such a long time, but I am still no good.
I've lose confidence. I am ashamed because my grades doesn't really reflect my knowledge.
I've got those grades because I was motivated by fear.
To be honest, I don't want to end up like this.

I want to do this so I could be a little bit of help to other. 
I want to be motivated by passion. but I don't know where to start. I lost my way. and I am afraid.


I wanna hold your hand and go to the other side of the earth.
Thursday, June 01, 2017 | 0 comments

Guess who’s finally get her first passport?


the world with two moons
Monday, May 08, 2017 | 0 comments
"What do I need to know about you at this point? Tengo asked.
"What do you know about me?" Aomame asked in return.
"Almost nothing," Tengo said.
"I know almost nothing about you, too," Aomame said.
..... "Don't worry. We're on the same side."
- 1Q84, Haruki Murakami.


You know that kind of emptiness feelings when you finally finished reading a book?
You just stared blankly for a good few minutes, tried to absorb everything.
Well, I finished 1Q84, like finally. I like the idea of parallel worlds and soulmates.

This is out of topic but I just realized something and it made me speechless.
I should quote this scene from Wuthering Heights: "And if you flatter yourself that I don't perceive it, you are a fool;..."
I saw what you did. What I meant to say is it didn't have to be this way. Let's be professional at least.
Don't flatter yourself, boy. You are not special.

I love myself too much. And I know I am more special than you. You are not comparable to me.(insert smirk here)

FUTURE
PAST